Grant me Strength

What a day!!! If only I could push pause and really slap some people then push play and let them feel the sting..

I'm rambling this will be for sure. If you read this and can not get anything out of it don't worry it is not you.. I am in one of those moods that with my day and my brain waves things are shooting from every direction and I honestly don't know how or in which order to write things. So instead of waiting and mind figuring things out I am just writing things down as they come at me.

It has been pushed from way up top to the lowest ranking Soldier what the signs are when a Soldier is in trouble. So why would you continue to notice these signs but continue to push the Soldier in a direction that you know will not end well? That folks is the million dollar question...

It as been a day of turmoil and troubles with a dash of smiles but mostly heartbreak.. Yes trying to put some humor in my day but honestly how I made any one smile today is beyond me. I am glad to say that I did make several Soldiers day with just an ear and a smile and that I am grateful to know. There are others that were happy that I have the heart and the ear to listen knowing there is not much I can do but am willing to struggle with them and fight the fight along with them.  Then there are those that are in fear of retaliation and fear stepping forward just to be heard, these I just dropped the words of friendship and left the thought in them that they have a place to turn. Hoping those little things are heard in them and they come seeking what they need. Though not completely sure it will work I will continue to keep watch and move as needed to help those in need. 

I do know that when my instinct tells me don't move I don't. When it tells me to jump I don't even ask how high I jump as high as I can.  So with it telling me to stay close and to continue to keep an open heart and open door I am. I'm not feeling well on some accounts and with some struggles that others are facing and not much I can do for them but listen and put my two cents to those that can make a difference, in hopes they will listen to me and do what is right. So that is what I have done all day and all week.

Someone I work with said something to me earlier this week that I did not look the same as normal that I looked like something was wrong or that something had me occupied. To be honest I did not realize something was eating at me until today. Today is when everything showed it true colors and really made me look at more than what I was really seeing. I am glad that I know what I am looking for when others do not know they are showing it, I am glad I know how to approach a subject with out approaching it directly. I'm glad that I do not instill fear for some one to totally shut down around me. I am glad that people feel they can approach me and not receive judgment or ridicule.  For these traits I carry strong and with out shame I am blessed.  I will continue to do what my instincts tell me and will continue to be there for those in need. Even if I can't change things entirely I can drop the bomb and show the scene and make the difference in other ways for those in need. I will get their voice heard one way or another and with out retaliation or them fearing something bad could happen out of it..

Okay enough rambling.. I will keep those in turmoil in my prayers tonight and every night in hopes they find what they are truly needing and for seeing what they may not see right now.  I pray that those struggling realize there is more ahead that will be better and today is just one day and it too has passed.  The past we can not change, today is the past ready to happen and tomorrow is the future of what we can do to make our past better

Night all and God Bless..

Nothingness.....

You would think by now I would know NOT to drink any type of coffee or tea after 1400.  Yep had a Starbucks and now the little thing in my head is spinning and thoughts are just bouncing off the sides. So if you chose to read the next few ramblings please be advise none of it is in any context to anything particular just ramblings and my thoughts of society in MY OWN OPINION...

So browsing through some social pages today I came across some things that make you really want to slap some people.  First why get a pet if you don't have the money to take care of it and want to Rehome it after a few months.. Really??  Would you do that to a child cause you can budget and realize you don't have money??  Yes I am being a bitch probably and Yes I don't know the entire situation but come on everyone has issues.. Hell even myself currently with these damn furloughs.. I am losing 20% of my pay but guess what.... I am not selling my dog or kids..  Nope I have a budget and I know how to live with in my means. Yes that means I have to not have my special days of massages, nails, and even cut back on my shopping trips but I know my limits and my family can continue to live the life style we have been accustom to.  So for those that cant be happy with what you got take some advice Quit trying to stay up with the Jones's cause they honestly don't give a crap what you do...

On another note was listening to the news and not sure why I have subjected myself to those ramblings. What they produce just makes me again want to slap stupid people.  I really need to not have coffee after a certain time and I really need to find something more constructive when I am trying to get myself to bed at a decent hour than watch the news.  I think the frustration and the stupidity makes me more awake than tired. 

So I read online that parents in Cali left their 4month old out in the hot car over night and didn't realize that the 4month old was missing until 1330 the next day..   REALLY???  Hell I realize my 13 yr old is missing after a few hours. With no one telling me they are hungry or complaining cause he cant watch TV or play his computer.. A 4month old would be worse. They eat and stink and cry more often than a 13yr old. So how do you not notice them missing until half the next day.  Okay so they had 3 other kids under the age of 3 but still you would think the one you had to carry around all the time and was the smallest would be the one crying and what did you think when you put the other 3 to bed, that the 4month old put themselves to bed??  Some people really need to be screened prior to having kids let alone getting married or being left alone to raise them damn selves...

Well I think that is enough of my rambling tonight, the sleepy time tea actually worked and my eyes are getting a little heavy.  Now if it will continue when I actually lay my head down I will buy stock in the stuff.  

As always lots of love and God Bless...

Starting line...

Wow where to start...  I guess being alone lately has really got me thinking.  I haven't thought much of what I want or where I want to go with life but I guess these past few months have kind of got me thinking about that.

With the kids gone for the summer and me well just sulking I guess I realized that I have to start thinking about me.  I have always wanted to try a few things and do some crazy off the wall things I guess now is the time. There really is no better time to learn new things and try new things right?

With this in mind my first goal is to finish something a friend started. I told her I would do it and it is one goal that I know I may struggle but I know I can complete.  So starting on Aug 1 I will start my running again more intense and more regular.  The goal I have agreed to is 300 miles in 100 days.  Yep you read that right 300 miles!!!  It can be done as long as I keep my heart into it and don't give up on myself. 

Second thing I really want to do is learn to horse back and learn how to care about horses.  I have told my husband several times that when we retire and move on our land I will have a barn for the dogs and my horses.  He has laughed at me several times and said that quads don't count as horses but they do have some horse power. NOPE I want a couple of horses.  Would love to get up in the morning and ride on our land and enjoy my time focusing on something other than life and its stressors.

I guess the last thing I am attempting is keeping up with writing my thoughts down and sharing little more. I plan on keeping the family blog up to date a little more and well keeping my own thoughts out here to share wont be so bad.

I believe life is too short not to share ones struggles, joys, ups and downs. I enjoy life too much not to share what has been given to me. As the saying goes Live life to the fullest you never know what tomorrow will bring.

Love and God Bless,